My beef with the über-productivity culture

By telling us to grind, grind, grind, it causes us to stop asking deeper questions

Transitioning out of college into work life last year was pretty challenging for me. I went from an environment where my goals and expectations were clearly defined (graduate with a good GPA, get a job, etc.) to an environment where nothing was clearly defined. Outside of my job, what I did with my time was entirely up to me. It was really hard.

A few months later, I found myself spending my free time playing video games, wasting time on my phone, and doing anything I could to fill my time to avoid letting the uncertainty about my future sink in. This was not how I envisioned life after graduation to be like. Seeing teenage millionaires springing up by the day, young people creating startup after startup, and a seemingly infinite amount of creators springing up out of nowhere and suddenly gaining a massive platform, I took a long hard look at myself in the mirror and told myself I’m done with this lazy phase and ready to really get after my dreams.

I surrounded myself with motivation. Messages like ‘this is the time to get after it’, ‘discipline and focus is the key’, ‘you have to want it more than anyone else’, ‘one day, or day one?’, etc. I set targets to hit the gym consistently, learn how to code NFTs, and spend time every single day exploring ideas for future startups and building out theses for them. I was extremely inspired and bought in. I was ready for the grind. I was committed to being disciplined and seeing this through.

For a week or so, everything was great. And then slowly, the motivation started drifting away. I found it harder and harder to find the energy to work out. I found it harder and harder to spend my free time coding instead of playing video games. I found it harder and harder investing time into researching startups instead of going on my phone. All that inspiration that I was filled with was gone, and I had no idea where it went. I felt incapable of grinding it out. Every time I wanted to continue working on my goals, I was met with an immense amount of internal resistance.

All of a sudden, the same messages that inspired me so much initially were telling me that I just wasn’t cut out for this. Maybe this is the time to get after it for everyone but me. Maybe discipline and focus are the keys for everyone, but I don’t possess those traits. Maybe I don’t want it more than anyone else. I was extremely discouraged and started to get really down on myself, feeling smaller than I did even before I tried.

Recently, I’ve started to think a little bit more deeply about the nature of this productivity / work-ethic / inspiration advice and motivation. I realized that it is always asking us to silence and work through any internal resistance that occurs, saying that working through it is discipline, grit, and willpower, all of which are such admired traits in society.

This view is misguided and dangerous. Ignoring our internal resistance implies that it is something that is working against us. Most of the time, it isn’t. It’s a really, really valuable signal that prompts us to ask a couple of really important questions:

1. Why are we working on what we’re working on?

2. What is our intention behind what we’re working on?

I’ve found that answering these two questions genuinely, authentically, and honestly has been the most transformative thing I’ve ever done to enable me not only achieve more but find more fulfillment in my work and my life. Let me explain why.

Why are you working on what you’re working on?

This is a question that asks us to reflect on the nature of our desire. Most of the time, we accept our desires on face value. We accept that because we have that thought in our mind, we must innately really really desire whatever object we’re thinking of. In the context of my own life, I told myself of course I wanted to make millions through an NFT collection. I told myself of course I wanted to be an incredible dancer. I had no doubt in my mind that those were core and independent desires of mine.

I never stopped to ask myself why I desired these things and what about them that I desired. These are the questions that we typically fail to ask ourselves and they’re also critical to answer if we want to escape the cycle of desire → inspiration → failure → discouragement that always plagues us.

There’s a fascinating theory proposed by a French social scientist named René Girard centered around a concept called ‘Mimetic Desire’. At a high level, it argues that our desires are usually not our own - they’re mediated by models (people, personas, etc.) You only desire a specific shoe after you see someone you admire value that shoe. You only desire a specific car after you see someone you admire value that car. You only desire a specific lifestyle after you see someone you admire value and adopt that lifestyle. These ‘models’ (people that we admire) help guide us towards choosing the things that we want. It’s an instinctual process that’s based on our desire for validation and social proof.

But this is a subconscious process so we’re never aware about the nature of that desire. We just find ourselves really desiring that object without really understanding why. We tell ourselves that it is our own independent desire, which is what Girard calls ‘the romantic lie’.

This lie obfuscates the fact that we often don’t really desire the objects themselves; we want to be the models. I don’t necessarily want to make millions through an NFT collection, I just want the achievement, validation, and success that other peers who have done this seem to have. I don’t necessarily want to become an incredible dancer, I just want the adoration and love that my peers who are incredible dancers seem to have.

This is why our attempt to take action on these desires and goals typically fails. We’re initially enamored and inspired by these models and delude ourselves into thinking that the pursuit of these goals is what we desire. But researching how to develop NFT projects isn’t going to bring me immediate achievement, validation, and success. Learning dance fundamentals on my own isn’t going to bring me immediate adoration and love. This is why we typically abandon goals quickly after starting - we find that we don’t really love the work that’s associated with it, and that it doesn’t contain the things that we’re really after (achievement, validation, etc.).

Being honest with ourselves about the nature of our desires will allow us to strip away the goals that are driven by mimetic desire and allow us to discover the goals that are truly and authentically ours. For me, I had to accept that at this time I didn’t really want to take on the work associated with being an NFT developer or an amazing dancer. Releasing these aspirations that I never really wanted and were making me feel inadequate created the space to allow me to reflect and discover the things that I really desired. And when we discover those things that we truly enjoy doing and working on, we will never be met with as much internal resistance as we’re currently facing.

What is your intention behind what you’re working on?

A lot of the time, the barrier to us acting or doing something is some form of fear. I didn’t go to the gym because I feared looking like an idiot in the gym. I didn’t start working on a startup because I feared failing in finding a profitable idea. All the advice and inspiration I relied upon while getting the motivation to try to turn my life around really did help me overcome those fears initially, but it failed to create any kind of lasting change in my life.

I think this is because it replaced my initial fears with different fears. My fear of looking like an idiot was replaced by a fear of wasting time. My fear of failing in finding a startup idea was replaced with a fear of missing out on the opportunities around me. My fear didn’t disappear; it just morphed into something slightly different. And sure, fear can be an incredible short-term motivator - ask anyone who’s stayed up all night cramming for an important test - but it can never inspire long-term action and lifestyle change.

Additionally, this kind of motivational advice trains us to focus our intention on the outcome. We’re supposed to be so obsessed with creating that blog, securing that bag, etc. that we should put up with failure and hardship through the process because it is an inevitable step towards obtaining that goal and finally feeling success.

This kind of outcome obsession will also always fail to inspire long term action and lifestyle change. This is because it trains us to view success and validation as things that are external to us. Things that we can’t have right now. But here’s the thing, action driven by this view reinforces a lack mentality. The mentality that you yourself aren’t enough, and that what you’re searching for is found outside of you. This means that even if you achieve your goal, that goal will just be replaced by something else since you’ll discover something else that you want along the way. Why do you think all these billionaires are caught up in an egocentric space race?

Intentions driven by fear or outcome obsession will never serve us. The only intention that I’ve found that can truly inspire long-term change is love. Love for the process. Love for the work that you’re doing. Love for the immersive experience of doing what you’re doing. We must remain detached from the outcome.

For me, this is what the difference was in building a sustainable gym habit. I replaced my fear of looking stupid and my insecurity about my appearance with a love for the physical challenge of pushing through each rep and pushing my body to the max. I released my obsession with having that perfect body and focused on just how good it felt to complete a single workout. I wasn’t waiting to feel success and validation after I achieved the body I wanted; I found it in the feeling of completing every single workout. For me, this made a world of a difference.

Bringing it all together

It’s so easy to get caught up in most of the advice that’s floating around these days. It’s really sexy! Hearing a phrase like ‘the way to get started is to quit talking and start doing’ just brings goosebumps on my body. It’s so exciting and gets the blood flowing.

That’s because it follows the same template of messaging that our capitalist society has perfected over the last couple of centuries:

Step 1: Create a character ideal that we should aspire to. In this case, it’s creating a hyper-efficient, hyper-disciplined, bad bitch persona. We see those kinds of people all the time on social media. Who doesn’t want to be that person?

Step 2: Manufacturing insecurity within us by identifying things we lack. In this case, it’s identifying that the only blocker to our dreams is our lack of willpower, discipline, and grit.

Step 3: Sell us a solution. Is it any coincidence that this kind of advice is typically paired with people trying to sell us some kind of journaling tool or book or task-management system?

I’m not saying these people are villains like Bezos or that they’re trying to manipulate you. They probably genuinely have your best interests at mind. It’s just that the capitalist formula that this advice usually follows always has the side effect of making us feel horrible about ourselves. Just look at the beauty and skincare industry.

But mini-rant aside, this kind of thinking closes our eyes to the fact that we already have what we seek inside us and don’t need anything else. You don’t need more willpower. You don’t need more discipline. You don’t need more grit. You just need to take aligned action.

When you focus on answering the two questions above honestly and discover goals and desires that are more authentic to yourself, you’ll find that the internal resistance you often feel naturally fades away. Not by looking for anything outside of you, but simply with being more connected with yourself and finding alignment.

Recently, I’ve finally started that process of reflection. Releasing desires that aren’t truly mine and focusing on doing everything I do with love and compassion instead of fear. I’ve released the urge to try to achieve and have everything right now and just returned to my core passions of reading and writing and learning and seeing where that takes me.

Right now I’m just a 22-year old that’s spending his days reading, journaling, daydreaming, and occasionally working. I’m living with my parents in the same suburb I’ve lived in for the past 15 years and still sleep with the stuffed animals I held as a child (actually added a new one to the collection recently). This certainly isn’t the kind of fast-paced and lavish lifestyle I envisioned myself having, and definitively isn’t the kind of exciting and lively lifestyle that all my peers on social media seem to be having. The kind of lifestyle that screams success and validation and fulfillment.

But honestly, I’ve found that I don’t need those things anymore to feel validated and successful; I’ve discovered those things inside me through this process of reflection and pursuit of aligned action. Through finally asking the right questions and digging deeper instead of doing and chasing things without thinking. Through being more thoughtful and intentional. And I’m loving life so much.

None of this means that you shouldn’t have big dreams or goals or ambitions. Of course I still have big dreams. What do you think I’ve been daydreaming about? I’m always scheming. But I no longer define myself by achieving them. I’m detached from them and trust that finding love through taking aligned action will naturally bring me closer to my dreams without making me hate myself in the process.